The Good Flame

2006-04-14T19:36:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody, I only am checking in to alert you of tragedy. We used to be #1 for google's "world's worst band." Sadly, we are now #3. Don't let this devasting turn of events shatter the very fabric of your existance the way so many before you have. But we must fight this injustice. We shall be #1 again.

2006-01-07T19:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been finished. The Good Flame's 2nd full length album is made. You will, of course, be able to listen to the magic yourslef for free on www.thegoodflame.com, as per usual, when it is ready. The music video and documentary are still works in progress, so watch out for those in the future.

2005-11-05T18:23:00.000-05:00

Hello, readers of blogs. I'd like to tell you a story. It's a lovely story. Once upon a time, my neighboor Jared was just a boy from Newark with dreams of adventure in his head and his best friend Checkers, a bull dog, as his constant companion. Checkers was brown and white, his face was about 1/2 and 1/2. On the white part of his face, the fur around his eye was brown, and shaped like a kidney. The way Jared tells it, it was a week before Jared's 12th birthday, and he was taking Checkers for a walk in town when he noticed Checkers sniffing for a spot to pee. Jared happened across an old, disgusting looking alley, and decided that would be a good place For Checkers to go. So He walks the dog into the alley, is waiting for him to pee, then BAM!! He's attacked by 2 muggers with buttefly knives. They never saw Checkers coming, though. That brave little dog's jaws latched on the taller of the 2 atackers' ankle while the short one stabbed Checkers right in the gut.

This is where Jared usualy starts tearing up and can't finish the story, unless he's drunk. If he's good and sloshed he gets very passionate in his story telling.

Jared knew the horror he just saw, and his first impulse was to fight them. Immediatly following that, a survival instinct kicked in and he ran faster than he's ever ran before or since. He ran for a police officer, but he didn't know how to get to the station and the muggers were chasing him. By some miraculous stroke of luck, a plain clothes police officer got his coffee and newspaper from a vendor on the sidewalk that Jared was running on. Of course Jared didn't know this untill he heard, "Freeze, Police," which he thought was being yelled at him, so he turns around to see the short mugger being andcuffed and the tall one running like a motherfucker. The cop finished with the short one, then bolted after the other.

So the cops get the tall mugger, and both are sent to jail, it's on the local news, Jared's curch has special prayers for him for 3 Sundays in a row, and years pass. He moves to Oregon, meets me, and we become friends. We get drunk several times, and thus become very familiar with this and a few other stories of his (wich, by the way, are all fucking nuts, I mean just crazy). Last night, he and I walked to a Kwikee Mart type place for more 40s, and are on our way back home when a brown and white bull dog with a brown kidney over the white side of his face approaches us and starts to growl at me. This was not a happy growl, the dog hunched on his front legs, tail straight up. This fucking bulldog was going to bite me, I swear you could read it in his eyes. But then Jared puts down his 40 and actually approaches the dog, cooing at it. Saying, "It's okay boy, com'ere Checkers, Shh shh shh shh." So the dog loses interest in me, and leaps, jaws open, for Jared's knees. The dog's aim was true, and he fucked Jared's ass up. I, like Jared before me, ran the fuck out of there. I haven't heard directly from him yet, but I've heard through the grapevine that he went to the hospital, is going to have to get reconstructive surgery on his legs and face, he's got a curable form of rabies, and he is pissed the fuck off at me for running. Shit, I didn't force him to coo at a growling dog like a fucking idiot. He should have ran and let me fight the little fucker, at least I wouldn't screamed like a woman and bled all over the place like an unconsiderate prick. Cause geuss who has to clean that up? The city, that's who, and that's all of our tax dollars wasted.

So now I'm just looking for hand-jobs...

2005-10-29T15:15:00.000-04:00

So I know have an hour and 45 minutes left in NY, I had a full and fun week. Goodbye, broadway. Goodbye, bitchy bartenders. Goodbye. The official song of this week has definitly been, "The Final Countdown," by Europe. Time to fly.

2005-10-28T10:12:00.000-04:00

After Ryan and I had lunch at this Italian deli yesterday, I we said our fairwells, and I made my way back to tbone's place. There we had a few moments of rest to just sit, read, eat, and watch disc 1 of arrested development season 2. This is my favorite program. We then adjourned to one of my sister's favorite Irish pubs, and we listened to a Jig Jam. That's not what they call it, they call it "session." I think Jig Jam is much funnier. We had some Guiness, and called it a day. Oh yeah, how could I forget? I also went to Central park. At the entrance, I saw a man who was hunched over and had peed his pants. The last time I saw that, it was a dying man, so I had to check to make sure was alive. Luckily, he was just passed out drunk. So I shook him a little, he woke, and I says to he, "Hey man, go home, you peed your pants." To which he responded, "Mrmph." One more time tries I, "Hey man, go home and change you pants because you peed in these ones." "Frumph." So, another full day in the big apple.

2005-10-27T10:34:00.000-04:00

Missed a day yesterday, sorry. So the stand-ups were great. Dave Attell is the man, and I was drunk as it gets, friends. Yesterday I went to Ellis island with my sister, and I enjoyed the museum there. Later on, Tyler, Shawna and myself went to the Hard Rock Cafe before we saw "Spamalot," and I give it both thumbs up. Great show. After, my sister took her leave for Manhatten, and Tbone and I headed Brooklyn way to enjoy The Hazzards show. They have a great music video you should check out, and their live show did not dissapoint. Today I'm having lunch with a friend from grade/high school, and then it's off to Central Park. TTFN.

2005-10-25T17:37:00.000-04:00

Setting: Day three in the big city. A nice rainy afternoon in tbone's apartment.

Tobias went to chipotle with his sister and ate. Then he went to the bookstore where I met him. I was a little disappointed that a special friend of his sister wasn't there but as I understand it: New York is the greatest city on earth and it has been raining all day in Central Park but I could always go for a cheese burger. This is code. That Iranians are hard at work decoding it.

We are heading to an incredible happy hour special at Doc Holiday's that entails 2-for-1 drinks until 8:00. After 8:00 it's all you can drink bud light 'till close.

Tobias here: For lunch I had a veggie fajita burrito, holy shit. If you haven't had one of these at Chipotle's, you haven't lived yet. I'm going to the comedy cellar at 11:00 tonight, Dave Atell will be there, check us out tomorrow for a review.

T-bone again: we had fun with the camera and have some fun stuff for hoody.

2005-10-24T20:12:00.000-04:00

Day 2 brought us a delicious lunch at the Ritz for my sister and I. We two then ajourned to the American Museum of Natural History. My favorite part was of course the dinos. The evolution exhibit was closed, so I missed that one. I then took a rest to enjoy the movie "Garden State," and then I went to meet my sister to sit in on her debate club. At least I intended to. I got extremely lost and wandered the mean streets of New York for 2 1/2 hours before finding my way again. And here I sit. That's day 2.

2005-10-23T20:38:00.000-04:00

Tobias here, from New York City. Today, I got into town at 10:30am. The first thing Tyler and I did was got to Stanton Island on the ferry. I had to take a leak, when lo and behold I found a pair of Dominican Republican twins. Naturally, Tbone and I gave them a damn good rogering. We left them (I say them because we didn't get their names) immediatly afterword and went to a great bar called CARGO, which sells Fosters for $1.50 each during happy hour. Nextly, we soaked in the local archetecture and then we criticized it. Then we went to another bar called DOC HOLIDAY'S, a cowboy themed bar with attractive themed employees and they clearly were awaiting an advance, but we deemed that inappropriate while on-the-clock. At this happy hour, they offered a 2 for 1 deal, and the pabst flowed like beer. Lastly, we went to see my sister at her apartment and we had a lovely conversation. Now we await her here in Brooklyn, and we eagerly anticipate the further debochary.

2005-08-01T13:05:00.000-04:00

Well howdy folks. It's been real busy here in the Pacific NW getting ready for The Good Flame's Summer Charity Event. That's right folks we'll be doing it again with a new set up that I find to be exciting. So here they are..... the details!
1) The show is August 25th, from 6-9 PM
2) The show is at JAX bar and grill, specifically their rooftop bar. You can see JAX at www.jaxbar.com . The show starts at about a little after 6 PM
3) The charity of choice is doctors without borders.
4) There will be an after party in Portland, more details to be given at the show, or if you cannot make it contact one of the band
5) Prepare for some serious rocking.
Well that's about it. If you have more questions contact The Good Flame!

2005-07-30T22:39:00.000-04:00

Tonight was going to be a quite night at home. Last weekend was just a bunch of craziness. Didn’t make it home Friday, 5 in the morning on Saturday and even an exclamation point on Sunday. A quite night. A couple of Brews. Maybe a movie. So far I have had nothing close. Around nine I went downstairs to buy some chips and an older polish guy was passed out on the sidewalk and Sam (the owner of Sam’s, where I buy my beer and food) was trying to get this passed out polish guy away from his store. A neighborhood acquaintance that doesn’t speak much English asked for my phone to call an ambulance. I said I would call because I speak English and had nothing better to do. After I call the ambulance the guy, of course, wakes up and wants to fight everyone. I called 911 back and told them to send the cops because there was now a handful of large drunk polish men that were getting into it. It kind of died down but then the guy starts coming at me. I wasn’t worried because he couldn’t walk very well. The cops come and took him. I went back upstairs and ate my chips. I just went back downstairs and cops are all over the block. Some guy was just stabbed. I am thinking to myself “what the fuck is going on tonight?”. I have seen the guy who got stabbed in the area before and I am sure he deserved it. He is alive and well and I am sure will be back on the streets by morning. So much for a quite evening at home.
The video is actually almost done. I know we said this months ago but this time it is true. Tobias has seen the rough cut and said it is very funny. The show is in less then a month and I am really excited to be home and playing tunes with the boys. In my mother’s neighborhood people don’t get stabbed or pass out drunk on the sidewalk. It will be a nice vacation.

2005-07-08T20:21:00.000-04:00

I just got a call today from both wallace and tobias and it looks like we have some august dates confirmed for performances in portland. We will let you know the details as they unfold.
On a personal note, I am having trouble connecting with my boss’s husband. I work for a famous singer out of their home. He is an older gentleman who is not afraid to wear biker shorts all day long. Today I got stuck riding the elevator with him down to street level. I tried to make conversation but I think I failed miserably. (A little background is needed. It rained like a mother fucker all day today and still is tonight.)
Him: So it is just raining like crazy outside.
Me: I know! Apparently it’s the remnants of some tropical storm that is moving up the east coast and slowly dissipating.
Him: Well it sure is pouring.
Me: It's this low pressure that is just sitting on top of us. It is no longer a tropical storm or anything but there is a lot of precipitation involved with it. It's all about the Gulf Stream. You know what I mean?
him: not really. (the elevator opens) well have a nice day.
Me: you to.

I then pretended to fiddle with my bag as he left so I didn't have to walk down the street with him. That stupid weather and climate class I took last fall has not paid off at all. I sounded like an idiot. Luckily his wife signs the paychecks, not him. I just sounded like a total idiot. When I force conversation I come off like an idiot. An example of this is when I was trying to impress this chick while we walked by this old building that I knew something about. After about ten minutes of me describing why it is so ugly and racist I just sounded like a dork. Luckily, I have my moments. My boss (the artist I work for) loves me because I was able to find a Sony walkman that she wanted on ebay so she thinks I am some sort of whiz kid. You win some and you lose some I guess.

Looking forward to The Good Flame show! The reason we are so good is because it is always a treat to play and is nothing but fun. I love that! Making music for the right reasons!
tbone out

2005-07-07T22:25:00.000-04:00

First things first. I live with a beer snob. I am from Portland which is the land of beer snobs but I have adapted. I am sorry but I cannot take east coast beer snobs seriously. I live on a tight budget and deals are deals. The store downstairs just got a case of 24oz. Busch cans and they are selling them for a dollar. I was jumping for joy and have bought many. When I informed my roommate of this he shook his head as if to say "tbone, you are sooo not cool". HELLO! This is a great value! How could you not see this for what it is: the Garden of Eden.
Secondly, fuck the 6 train. yes, fuck it. It is "running slowly between 77th and 53rd due to construction or something. It screws up my whole day! Fuck the mta. I have done some calculations and 4 million people ride the subway everyday and I think that translates to at least 6 million dollars a day not including advertising and what not. How can you not run the train efficiently with that much money? I say the mob has something to do with it. How do they combat this? They raise the monthly pass! Raise the seven dollar day fun pass during the summer and rape the tourists is my solution! How complicated is that? They won’t be offended. They don't vote.
tbone out

2005-07-05T17:11:00.000-04:00

I don’t know about you but I had a fantastic Fourth of July. The weather was perfect! I spent the whole day in Battery Park with a great group of friends for a free concert. I highly suggest going to see Stephen Malkmus and the Jinks if they come to your town. He was the lead singer of Pavement and his new band is just rockin’! I liked them so much that I would lick his shoe if it had dog shit on it. Yo La Tango also played and they were fun but I think Malkmus out-did himself, so that stole some acclaim away from Yo La Tango. Then we went to a roof top party and I was able to see all the fireworks displays at once. It was really a sight to see!

2005-06-27T20:29:00.000-04:00

I hope the guys don't mind. I wanted to post a link to some music I have been working on lately. This is my NYC project that I mention every once in a while and I want to share it with the friends that I have here on the World Wide Web. Myspace, as hip but lame as it is, is great for bands because they let you put your songs up for free. Let me give a run down of the songs that are currently playing on our myspace page:

Nadan'C : A lovely song about nothing. At the same time it is in the key of C major. If you use your noodle you might get that it is not just a clever title. In my opinion it is really about more then nothing but rather about all things. The problem is that when you encompass everything eventually you get back to a point of nothing. That is because of some fancy laws of physics that are above everyone's head. I don't want to get into it. This is actually one of my favorite songs that willow and I have written together.

Song for Maryanne: This is a song we wrote while we were on vacation over Memorial Day weekend this year. We had a lovely house in Rhode Island with a couple of other friends and the porch was perfect for drinking beer and writing songs. Maryanne is a very special and talented performer in the NYC area who I have never actually met.

Microphone: This is a great tune in my opinion. Live it really fills up the room (especially at the bitter end pub with the grand piano!). It is about real people but with some made-up events, details, and motivations.

Dear Me: A song about the need to move on. So you fucked up, no one really cares. Before you know it you are still in the corner regretting, fretting, and bloodletting and everyone else has forgotten about you. None of these things will help you. Life is hard but it is only as good as you can make it. (This is my interpretation. I did not write the song but this is what it means to me. Willow probably has a completely different idea, and that idea is probably more correct then mine.)

So please listen and enjoy and if you are in the NYC area come and see us next time we play. I thought that this would be some interesting filler while The Good Flame is preparing for world domination.

2005-06-25T22:08:00.000-04:00

I am not picky about my haircut but I need to feel comfortable. The main comfort is not paying over ten dollars. For about 7 years of my life I got my hair cut at one of two places. One was called "seven bucks a whack" (it actually charged nine bucks but who is counting?) and the other was a nice lady up in the middle of nowhere in Maine that gave me a great six dollar haircut. Today I finally found a place that I am comfortable with in New York. After weeks of searching I found a five dollar haircut in Manhattan! I did it and I am proud. It was a great cut and was in my budget. I will be returning to the ever elusive five dollar haircut place that took me weeks to find again and I recommend it to everyone.

2005-06-22T14:05:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to me! 24 going on 43!

2005-06-19T19:34:00.000-04:00

if anyone wants to see tbone perform tonight go here and click on "click here to start the show". This is my new york project. We will be the duo with the piano player and me on guitar. We start at 11:00 pm new york time. It is actually pretty good sound for being a web cast from a bar. they are usually on time so don't be virtually late.

2005-06-18T01:10:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been a little buzzed in a group of Arab men? They don't drink. A drunken fight happens and what is to blame? hmmmm. Then they tell me, or should I say ask me, why don't you do that? I have a pretty face.

2005-06-17T22:27:00.000-04:00

The perks of my new job:
One great show: 17.59
Five seven dollar beers: 35.00
Cost to tbone: 0.00
Yes, this is a good thing. I love bands from Canada! At least until the seven dollar beer buzz wears off.

2005-06-15T20:57:00.000-04:00

Pretty good day today if I do say so myself. Really we have to go back to last night to understand the relief that I went through in the early afternoon today. Last night I met up with my good friend and after she sewed up my man-bag (which was separating from its strap) we rounded up some troops and headed out to a fun little bar next to her apartment in the east village. We walk in and it is buy one get one free and the place was covered in pbr cans. We ordered four pbrs and with a dollar tip it was five bucks. I picked this one up with the understanding that she would get the next one. When I tried to order the next round the bartender (who was really hot but I am sure she could beat the shit out of me, which is kind of hot and kind of makes me want to start working out) informs me that that deal is over. I plead with her saying that the sign said all day but she said that it is now night time and all day is over. This moment of disappointment was short lived because she informed me that they have an all you can drink beer special for five buck until eleven. Yippee! I love all you can drink specials. I got two of those and as our friends joined us, one even brought a pizza which is always nice; things were turning into a really fun night. At eleven the other guy who lives in Brooklyn and I had to leave because the goddamn L train was not going to be running late night. As I got of the train I realized I left my newly repaired man-bag at the bar. I couldn't go back because the train was not going to be running so I called and they found it and I was able to pick it up today. Thank fucking god!
In other news the weather was much better today and I think I only let off a moderate amount of sweat. At least I am not in Georgia. My little sister is in her first week of training down there and I hear that the heat is just horrible. Good luck sis!

2005-06-13T22:22:00.000-04:00

okay this is what I am talking about. this just popped up on firfox. it doesn't give me hope for the morning. what am I supposed to do?

2005-06-13T20:31:00.000-04:00

I think this blog will just become a weather update site because that is what is consuming my life. Today was very hot, very humid. My body doesn't deal with the heat very well. I am a sweater. Not like a nice Kashmir deal, but a damp wet blanket that you drape over yourself when you just want to fell gross. Luckily, white pants season is in full effect and I can sweat my brains out waiting for the train and look at chicks. Then I think to myself how great it would be if all the sweat I was producing could collect on everyone's collective white pant and we would have a wet pants contest like they do in Cancun.

I love my new job by the way! I have figured out that you are not a celebrity unless you have an office. That people call from. To talk to other celebrity’s offices. I am not a celebrity.

2005-06-12T01:02:00.000-04:00

It is now one in the morning, Saturday night, and the heat is getting to my fellow brooklynites. Today was Puerto Rican day and that, combined with the tropical like humidity and temperature, made for an evening of drunk people wandering around yelling at the sky and each other. They had this big thing with bands and booths selling food in the park next to my apartment and it was just a zoo all day. Why do they do this in the polish neighborhood?

I have just returned from a gig. Not one of my worse gigs, but up there. This was not the good flame but rather my NYC project and we just had a bad night. The sound sucked, the turnout was bad, and I am at home alone on a Saturday night. We have another gig in a week that I hope will go better. And pay us for that matter.

A good friend of the good flame, who once sat in on a set playing mandolin got seriously injured. He sustained a serious head injury and is in the hospital and it sounds like he will be there for a while. I am flying back home in august and the good flame, along with many other bands (including my nyc project probably) will be playing one of the famous charity events that the good flame does every year. He is uninsured and every minute in the hospital adds another year of debt. We will not be able to pay off his bill but hopefully he will be able to attend and we can make a difference with money, and his friends coming around to play some music and drink some drink. Keep him in your thoughts and we will have more details in the coming weeks. We have the general idea of a venue and we are trying to get the line-up set. This is going to be a great event. I remember one of our charity shows was for lymphoma research. We did that because a close friend of the band was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease and it makes me, and I assume the rest of the band, happy to do something positive with our music. The Good Flame has always been about people laughing, singing, and drinking together. We never charge for our cds or our shows (except once when we had a cover against our will). The Good Flame catalog is like those Irish drinking songs that everyone knows and they sing them to together. To have a bit of solidarity with each other. To laugh about the silliness of life and forget the mundane. With all of the medical advancements today I feel positive of our friend, and I think a dose of the good flame is in order.
I have had a rough day and will now finish my miller high life (in a large bottle) and retire. I think I will go to Coney Island in the morning. Maybe some ocean air will do me good.

2005-06-05T20:11:00.000-04:00

Today was way too hot for me. It is getting to be that time of year in New York where the garbage sitting on the street slowly cooks, emitting a horrible stench, air conditioners drip on your head from the apartments above, and everyone is a little cranky. I changed my shirt three times today. The only good part is white pants season is in full swing and I sit at my window watching all of the hot polish chicks walk by wearing next to nothing. The biggest problem is that it doesn't really cool down at night. I am not looking forward to sleeping tonight. Another problem is when I took out my fan it was broken. Great! Too early to turn on the AC because of the electric bill but maybe I will sneak in a few minutes of refreshment while the rommies are out.

2005-06-04T19:04:00.000-04:00

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day! I have been feeling very positive as of late and I was able to relax and vacuum and even fit in an episode of COPS. COPS is my favorite television show. It may be a little white trash, especially when I watch it with a 40 of Miller High Life, but hey, who am I trying to impress?
I started my new job yesterday and I really think I am going to love it. The job is right up my alley and I am working in the music business (which is nothing short of a hoot) and the people in the office are really nice. I am discovering that besides some of the artists on the label, I am the only male in the whole organization. So my first day I did have to move some boxes that I think had needed to be moved for a couple years but no one was willing to attempt it. The office itself is incredible. It's a private residence of a very well established musician and author. A very fancy upper west side apartment with a view of Jersey (which isn't the nicest thing to look at because it's, you know, Jersey). The only awkward part was the maid. How do you interact with the maid? She came in and emptied my trash twice and I said thanks but the other people working didn't say anything. And another thing, she was there all day long! How do you clean all day long? The place looked really clean when I came in I just don't get it. I wonder if she is there everyday.
With the nice weather I walked down to the park earlier and I will tell you, when it starts getting nice in New York the hot woman just decide to walk around mostly naked. You would think that they are paid extras or something that the city just keeps in storage over the winter. There were so many hot polish and hipster chicks sun bathing I almost popped like a fourteen year old's cherry.
I am now in summer classes and I think they are going to be pretty easy and then fall term and graduation. It's about fucking time.

2005-05-17T18:34:00.000-04:00

Thankfully this is my last week of classes for this term. I am feeling confident and I am seeing a 4.o GPA on the horizon. There is one class in the way but we will see how it all works out. Finals next week and then I have a tiny little summer break before summer school. Graduation in upon me in the fall and that feels pretty good, especially since my sister (three years my junior) just graduated last weekend. Congrats to her! Now I can't have little sis being cooler then me. She has graduated with honors, is now a federal agent, will be carrying a gun on a regular basis, and after her training down in Georgia all summer she will probably be able to kick my ass. The coolest thing is that she gets a car with a siren and a little "whoop whoop" light so she can park anywhere. Proud but a little envious. D.C. watch out, there is a new shariff in town.
Back to my point. I have been kind of, sort of, using this new search engine. It does this cluster thing that makes it really easy to find what you are looking for. I know google is the say all be all of search engines but this new one is worth a look. Please post some comments on what you think.

2005-05-14T10:40:00.000-04:00

A real quick post here. I think I just wrote a really funny joke in the shower. I wish there was a way to have a pad and paper with me in the shower because I have great ideas in there. Now, here is the joke:

I am about as politically correct as a mulatto!

Feel free to bounce this one off your friends and find out what they think. Have a good weekend!

2005-05-12T20:25:00.000-04:00

I guess you could say today was a good day. I didn’t have to use my A-K. I also kicked ass at a job interview this morning. The job interviews have been just rolling in! The one today was for a market analysis consulting firm and I would basically be coming in early in the morning and aggregating all the market information for firms that purchase that information from the company that I am working with. After the world starts churning at nine, I will be able to work on special analytical projects for different companies. This is what I want to be doing for a career, would look great for my resume, and the office is in a really cool building. I love skyscrapers! I think that the New York skyline is so beautiful. It shows the ability and ambition of the human spirit and is much more attractive then some ancient ruins romanticizing a primitive past. It all sounds great but I have another interview on Wednesday. This interview is for a music production/record label. I think it would be fun to work in the music biz but I am worried that it is not going to pay as well as the market analysis job. In all actuality the stuff I would be doing at the production company would involve mostly menial office work, dealing with fan mail, and sending out promotional things. I have a good feeling about the job I interviewed for today and if I get both jobs I really don’t know what I will do. The music company is a country label, which I am not so into, but it also would look good on my resume if I moved on to PR or marketing work with another label. I really shouldn’t worry until I find out if I get any of the jobs. At least I will have some cash flow regardless and be able to really start dating more. Dating would be nice because white pants season is nearing and I have an itch to scratch.

2005-05-10T21:50:00.000-04:00

I might come off as something of a softie in this post. I have a habit of falling in love with really well produced singer songwriter chick types. Understand that I don't buy there cds or go out to there shows out of disguise, but I have a habit of becoming a little "clingy" when it comes to these sweet muses of the loin. I cannot stop listening to this little NYC baby snake named maryanne marino. She has the most sultry voice I have ever heard, she is a great songwriter, and in some of the pictures on her website she is holding a melodica. The melodica, for those of you who don't know, is a staple in The Good Flame diet. It is the tube that is often coming out of wally's mouth in good flame pictures. On sweet maryanne's site there is a couple of songs but if you go to her myspace page there is twice as many. If you search really hard through her friends on myspace, you will see me. Look hard...
I know she plays at the Bitter End everyonce in a while and I play there sometimes. I am going to track her down and we are going to have singer/songwriter babies.
I want to point out that me absolutely loving her does not make me a little wussy boy, sap, or overly sensitive williamsburg type. I rock. That is what I do. I just sit and listen to that "dear mom and dad" song of hers over and over again when I get home at night after a rough day.
In other news I purchased my porcupine tree tickets the other day! Jordan Rudess' side project is opening for them and I can't wait to be surrounded by a bunch of prog rocker men. Now that is what I call a concert.

2005-05-06T23:56:00.000-04:00

So for those who know me, you know that the idea of stand-up comedy has always been a dream of mine. You know this from the fact that when ever someone who I have never met comes around I give an onslaught of my humor. I figured it is time for this humor to reach the world stage. I am going to unleash some of my jokes on the blogging public.

You know what is great about a paraplegic stripper? You get to take her clothes off!

No seriously folks this is true:

For a long time I thought my destiny was not just to play killer music with the good flame but I would have to augment that with a side career of being a puppeteer. This didn’t work out because I couldn’t afford any original puppets. So right now I am just looking for some hand jobs.

Don’t forget to tip your bartender.

So I had a bit of a Pepto-Bismol accident in my book bag the other day. It sucks because it stained some of the pages with this pink color. I thought to myself, “Shit, know they are going to think I highlighted all the stupid shit”!

No seriously folks, try the fish.

So let me know what you think. I think the road is calling. the last one is a new one that I came up with the other day and the arab guys downstairs loved it. Yes, it killed.

2005-05-03T14:27:00.000-04:00

Wallace here with some reviews of various movies and CD's i've been listening to:
How about some movies first.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: This movie was very funny. I like the Adams's books and the movie was a great film version of his ideas. Alan Rickman as Marvin was just great. I give this 5 out fo 5 moist vaginas.

The Last Waltz: I'd heard that this was a great rock 'n roll movie, like woodstock, or Isle Of Wight. I really like Scorsese and this just reinforce the opinions I already had. The music is great, The Band is really on and they have a lot of great guest musicians: Dylan, Neil Young, Neil Diamond, Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, Dr. John, Muddy Waters, Ringo, Stephen Stills, and so on. The movie has interviews in between the live cuts. There is also a little documentary on how the show was designed and filmed for the movie. After seeing the movie I bought the box set of CDs. So this definitely gets 5 out of 5 super hot, gooey, fantastically tight vaginas.

The CD that everyone should go get right now is the new Porcupine Tree album "Deadwing". There should be more words that mean outrageously fantastically great. This album is the next great thing in a long line of great prog rock albums. They follow a circle with Pink Floyd, King Crimson, Tool, and even a little Radioheadish part too. They could be anywhere on the circle and it is all super. Jsut super. 5 out of 5 seriously kick-ass vaginas.

2005-04-28T02:04:00.000-04:00

So The Good Flame played an awesome show this past weekend here in Corvallis. We fucking rocked. I'd like to say thanks to Nick, Tom, Eric and Jeff for providing a sweet place to rock and many thanks to all you crazy fuckers who were there and who rocked with us. It was awesome. Anyway, remember that crazy girl Leah? Well she was at the party and she posted here thoughts here. Everyone say hi, and leave a comment for her. She's so damn cute after all.....

2005-04-16T17:08:00.000-04:00

Remember our old friend the Virtual Bartender? Well it's been upgraded! That's right, at http://www.virtualbartender.beer.com/VB2/ you can see the new 2-girl VB. I like 'kiss' (there's two of them) and 'banana'.

2005-04-16T16:56:00.000-04:00

Also, for anyone who has too much time on their hands go to www.addictinggames.com. It's an assortment of Flash games you can play. There is a lot of fun to be had here. I recommend "Kitten Cannon"

2005-04-16T16:44:00.000-04:00

Okay, i got a joke from MAXIM today. It is funny. Sunject: the red river.
Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: See you next month!

2005-04-14T22:50:00.000-04:00

So everyone loves video games but could there be a communist connection? check this out. I will be reexamining my life. what will you do?????

2005-04-14T14:55:00.000-04:00

Everyone should go to www.landoverbaptist.org. Special thanks to Mozilla's Stubmle Button for the find!

2005-04-10T01:10:00.000-04:00

Well we are at war here in Corvallis. That's right war, and it is vicious. We have an infestation of mice in our house. At first there was a treaty of sorts. They stayed in the walls, and we stayed out of the walls. But then they got greedy. They invaded our land and attempted to destroy it from the ground up. The mice started coming out during the day, while we were in the room! Pure arrogance! Then, we started finding mouse shit and piss in our cupboards. That's right, invasion and desecration! So we fought back with some D-con and mouse traps. At this juncture we have killed 4 of them with the traps and an unknown amount with the D-con. We are definitely winnig so far, bu there has been a lull in the battle. Day 1, the mother mouse, trap right between the eyes! Day 2, three of the mother's children..... DEAD! Now it's been about a day and a half and we haven't seen hide nor hair of the vermin. What are they planning? Are they preparing a massive offensive? If so, do we have what it takes to push them back and take what's ours! (cue patriotic music) Are we going to sit back and lose when victory is in sight? No! We are men, not mice. Of mice and men, only one can emerge victorious and it shall be us. Oh, yes, it shall be us.
To be continued............

2005-04-07T18:44:00.000-04:00

I saw Karate months ago here in Williamsburg and was very much impressed with them. A good friend and musical collaborator here in New York told me that I would love them and she wasn't lying. My point today is that I found a great quote that the lead singer/guitarist said in an interview. I think it really captures what being in a band should be all about. Music is an art form. It needs to be studied to fully understand it. The beauty of music is that the more you learn the better you are. The better you are the easier it is to enjoy your music, by yourself or with others. Whether it is in your performance or in your writing. Check these guys out if they come to your town. You can read the whole article at http://www.synthesis.net/music/feature.php?bid=671. (You have to copy and paste because blogspot is being as asshole to me today.)

"My personal style of writing is that I want to know exactly what I'm playing all the time, I want to know exactly what my options are. If I'm going to play something simple, it's because I choose to play it, not because it's the only thing that I'm capable of doing. It is something that's important to what we do - knowing the theory behind the harmony of a song, for example, allows us all to think about our options and gives us a broader palate to draw from. The way that I feel is that I want to make conscious choices about what I do musically. I hear people say things like, 'well, whatever sounds good,' but I don't believe in writing music that way. I think that's the easiest way to make music, but you'll never challenge your ear if you just play what comes easiest or whatever sounds good at first"
Geoff Farina

2005-04-06T23:53:00.000-04:00

here is what I am looking for: A programmable simon game. I want a vintage simon game (you remember, with the four colored sections that beeped) that is modified to only play good flame tunes. this may sound tricky but I am sure it can be done. First step is to find a working simon. I will pay top dollar (well, I might pay shipping) for a simon player. the modifications could probably be figured out. I have some friends with soldering irons and a couple of extra transistors. So send me an email at assholewithastory at thegoodflame dot com and help me out!

2005-04-06T22:47:00.000-04:00

The Good Flame would like to thank the whittler for the great review. Someday my friend, we will meet, drink beer, and chief tobias when he passes out.

2005-04-06T01:54:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that's some funny shit.

2005-04-04T18:54:00.000-04:00

Well, there's lots of things we can talk about if'n you'd'a care ta.

1. Side projects are forthcoming. Don't worry, this doesn't mean that we've abandoned The Good Flame, quite the contrary. I have already begun work on a Christmas CD. Just songwriting and what have you. However, what with the large distance betwixt us, we satisfy are musical ambitions else ways. My group (unfortunatley nameless as of yet) is a daring one whoost dabble in yonder funk/ronk 'n' roll/ folk. Much fun.

2. The music video is coming sooner or later, so be patient and you shall know a vast and mighty reward.

3. There's going to be a show in Corvalis soon, if I'm not much mistaken it's being promoted as "The Good Flame Live at the Filmore" because it's on Filmore Street.

4. I think this summer we're doing a rooftop show (?) at JAX details are forthcoming.

5. Designs are forthcoming, both from Ashley and from this other guy. But you know what, people always say they're going to do stuff and then they never do, but we can at least be sure that Ashley's doing some pretty neat photoshop stuff.

6. I'm going to L.A. for a week or so, if you recall a post over QCA's way I wrote about promoting ourselves and whatinthehavenyourself, then you'll recall that I wanna be succesfull and the 2 places you're supposed to be at is L.A. and New York, so I figure I'll go there and do stuff.

That is all, make me proud.

2005-04-01T19:38:00.000-05:00

"In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought 'man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog ...' You never say here comes that frog in a nervous manner. It's always optimistic. Hey here comes that frog, all right. Maybe he'll come near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to. And I'm pretty sure I'd have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16-ounce world."

mitch hedberg

2005-03-19T14:33:00.000-05:00

HowdyFolks!! Wallace here, coming at you from the 'Couve. It's finally spring break and I am very relieved to be done with the term. Busy, that's all I'm going to say about it. Now, I want to relate to you the most wonderful experience I've had in quite some time. So, everyone should know by now that I am an avid fan of The California Guitar Trio. Last night I got to see the boys play at Mississippi Studio here in Portland. I've never been to this particular venue before, but what they offer is great. The place only holds about 80 people max, so the shows are small and intimate. Here's the super cool part about this place..... they have seats on the stage itself! We got to sit on the stage with the Trio while they played the show! How fucking sweet is that! If I extended my hand I could high-five the closest one to me. I've never been that close before and what a difference. They played with a percussionist from Eugene, OR. He was really, really good. This show was incredible.

Wallace's recommended listening:
The Mars Volta - Frances the Mute * probably one of the best new albums ever!
Colonel Claypool's Bucket of Bernie Brains
Jean-Luc Ponty in Concert
Elton John - Tumbleweed Connection * this is an amazing album. Go get it now. I said NOW

2005-02-22T19:47:00.000-05:00

So I think I am going to change my diet, my ass is getting out of my control. Ashley refuses to let me poo in my own toilet, and work said they'd fire me if I pooed there again. My parents' house is right out of the question, and my grandfolks? I don't want them to die for a long time so that's out. The library hired a security gaurd to keep me out, and the gas stations have all gotten restraining orders on me. You accidentaly blow one little mom and pop gas station up and everyone's pissed at you. So basically, I need suggestions for a new me.

NO ONIONS OR POTATOES, that's how I got banned from Idaho.

2005-02-20T03:04:00.000-05:00

I have the cure for a hang over. It is a process of making you smarter the morning after so you eventually reach the level of intelligence you had the night before. First, you need to find some things that make you smarter. Three things that make you smarter are: listening to Frank Zappa, doing the daily crossword on a daily basis, and reading something, anything (the back of the shampoo bottle will work). To cure a hang-over wake up and get out of bed. (This is the most difficult step). Go and buy and cup of coffee and your favorite daily. Put on your favorite Zappa album. (For hangovers I suggest a later seventies album like Joes garage or overnight sensation.). Do the crossword as you drink your coffee and listen to the soothing music. When you get stuck with the crossword, read something. The paper that was included with your daily crossword is a great option! After reading something, continue doing the crossword. Frank Zappa needs to be on throughout the process. If you are still hung over put on some King Crimson from the eighties. Anything earlier will not work for the process unless you are skilled at curing a hangover and you know the early crimson that will work for you. Nap on your back with the crossword on your chest. Wake up and complete the crossword after putting Zappa back on. If this does not work I suggest calling off all plans for your day and to start drinking again.

2005-02-14T21:43:00.000-05:00

Every day I feel like a bum. I have to go rummaging in the garbage of my building because SOMEONE keeps throwing my newspaper away. I wake up, get dressed, and head downstairs with my man purse, all set to accept the new day of news and everyday it is sitting in the trash. I will admit that sometimes I don’t get downstairs until after 10 am but that is no excuse for someone to throw my favorite daily away. It comes every morning in plastic with a little sticker that says my name and address on it and people still think that it is trash! I would leave a strongly worded note downstairs but I don’t think it would do any good. No one in my building besides me and my roommates speaks any English. So I am going to do what any good American citizen would do. I am going to set up a secret surveillance camera and catch the culprit and scalp them. I will keep you posted.
In addition, it is Valentines Day. At school today there was a big festival for the vagina monologues. They were playing a video and women through out the school were chanting about there vaginas. It was a lot of fun until I ran into a feminist friend of mine outside. I said “man, it is a real vadge fest in there” she said I have no respect and stormed off. Then I found this article. Although I don’t agree with everything and it comes off a little inconsiderate I think makes some good points.

2005-02-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

We are not dead. We just smell funny.

The Good Flame had a great charity show and we are currently waiting for the music video to get finished in post production. The video should turn out great! We did the song “bart the mule” which can be heard at thegoodflame.com. There are some good boner shots of Tobias and some kung fu moves that I choreographed. Also, it takes place in the Australian desert. I was looking at a map and they have three in a sort of club sandwich configuration.
For two thirds of the band school started and is taking up a good chunk of time after subtracting time to drink beer, masturbate to kitty porn (cats silly), and writing new material for a Christmas album that is still in the infant stage. If anyone who reads this is an expert with statistics let me know. I will compensate a free down load of the good flame’s full length album for tutoring. I don’t get the scheffe method when doing a post hoc analysis. Help Me!
I have Tobias reading Atlas Shrugged and as many of you know this book is very important to me. It is fun because he calls me and tells me this and that and then I babble about capitalism and we laugh, cry, and then talk dirty to each other because screwing your mothers has gotten a little old. Well maybe it’s just that your mothers are getting kind of old.
The quality control alliance is flourishing and I am promising you that I will reintegrate myself in the community. I hope everyone remembers me. I am working on a great post I think. It talks about Marx and his view of religion. It is not done yet but I feel great that I can see eye to eye with at least a few of my sociology professors. The Good Flame is also accepting pictures to be judged for our first annual titty of the year award. It does not have to be your own titty but that is preferred. Send all titties to thegoodflamelovesyou@yahoo.com. Talk to you later folks and I will see you over at QCA!

tbone

2005-01-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

Well the show is finally up on the website. Check it out at www.thegoodflame.com. We had a great time and would like to thank JAX, Matt, Barb, Eric, Dino and Johnny, as well as everyone else Tobias thanked. Here are some highlights:
Appeal to Frog Chief - first time played ever
The Butt Song - first time played ever
Lesbian - Always a great one, but with a twist in the middle. Call it a musical adventure!
Big Blue Chicken Eating Hot Tub Monster - first time ever played
Your Mother - A loving tribute to someone's mother....... (Tobias's was the only mom there!)
The rest of the show is pretty damn good too!

2005-01-18T03:37:00.000-05:00

Well we had a great show. We had to postpone because of inclement weather but it all worked out. We had a great turn out and raised a large sum of money for the charity. Speechwriters impressed and I got pretty drunk. We got a great recording of the show and it will be posted at thegoodflame.com this coming week. I think we had some pretty funny stuff at this show. I held up a bloody sheet that I have saved since the first cherry I ever popped and Tobias’ mom got an ear full. I am listening to the live recording right now and it sounds great. We still are going to try and record a music video this week so many updates are in store at thegoodflame.com. Everyone who did come out to the show we thank you! The orgy after the show was great and the filter in that hot tub is going to be working over drive for the next couple of days.

2005-01-15T18:35:00.000-05:00

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

The show for tonight has been postponed. We will be performing tomorrow night at Jax bar and grill because of the weather we are experiencing in the Portland metropolitan area. The show will start an hour earlier at around eight o'clock. Any questions please email me at assholewithastory@thegoodflame.com. The show is still going to be great so please spread the word. I am now composing a song about how much of a bitch mother nature is and how I would never have sex with her because she smells like ass!

2005-01-13T20:27:00.000-05:00

The Good Flame is playing this saturday at Jax bar and grill in portland oregon. Everyone should come because it is going to be a great show. Speechwriters llc is playing with us without their new bass player because he cut his pinky off or something. We have new songs and all proceeds go to vh1 save the music. Music with a heart is what I like to call it. Come one, come all.

Also, I have a new phone number. The people who want it should email me at assholewithastory@thegoodflame.com

2005-01-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

So I was jumping around the world wide web and found something pretty funny. It is a little collection of videos (is that a vignette?) of prominent right wing commentators Canada bashing. Anne Coulter is so hot when she starts stereotyping and spouting off untruths. Someday Anne and I are going to go out shooting or something and make love on a bear skin rug in her Vermont cabin. This link is dedicated to tobias' Canadian girlfriend.

2005-01-03T17:07:00.000-05:00

Just go here to read our first public review of the new ep. Thanks mikey!

2005-01-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

Well it's finally here. 6 brand-spankin' new songs all for you guys. These are special songs that we have put lots of time into. On a special note there is a song dedicated to our friends Mikey J. To here it and all the new stuff check us out at www.thegoodflame.com or click here to go straight for the music!

2005-01-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

Last night we finally got a relatively finished product. We recorded some drums with loB and mixed most everything down. We are all really happy with the product. It has the good flame signature "three guys drunk in a room" feel and I think these particular songs are the best songs we have ever laid down. We have a great range of tunes and I think everyone will be pleased. We are now going to be doing some serious rehearsal (getting together and getting drunk, laughing at each other, and then passing out with out guitars in our hands) for the show at Jax on the 15th of January. I am going to try and email mikey j his song tonight so hopefully he likes it. We have kind of lost touch. I hope he remembers us. So we should have the new ep posted at thegoodflame.com very soon. Thanks to loB for the great drum work and I have more credits for different instruments/devices on the CD sleeve then
Tobias does. I imagine that is really going to piss him off. He always wants to add this gizmo or that so there is a bunch of stuff listed after his name. Not this time friends! I have credit for so many sound effects that the dude from the police academy movies looks like a baby saying daddy for the first time. Hooray Tbone! I promise things will get funny again around here shortly.
A good friend of mine just slipped me a graph with the projected cuteness of kitties for the coming year. Very scientific. I will post it later.

2004-12-31T01:32:00.000-05:00

So we have completed most of the recording. I am actually in the car driving up from Corvallis back to Portland with Tobias. We are very happy with the way that everything turned out. We had one all out brawl that was recorded but we think we will fade out before you hear the crunching of bones. We also completed “mikey j is a homo” which was written a few months back and even performed, but never recorded. For those who don’t know mikey j he is a friend of the Australian persuasion but unlike whittler, we hate mikey j because he has no understanding of music or reality. I hope that he likes it. We actually wrote a song on site and recorded it. It was a great chord progression that Wallace had written and Tobias and I added a heroic saga about the life of Gummy McGee. She is a toothless prostitute from Dinkle County that gives great head. It is a beautiful number for the whole family to enjoy. We have another installment in the frog chief saga that is sure to please. It not only involves frogs but also fart noises. We got some great photos of the production process that I will post. Tomorrow Wallace and I are going to meet up with lo’b and lay down some drum tracks. Anyone who has the cd knows that he has done percussion on the two prior recordings and this one will be no different. All in all we had a great time and it is all leading up to the charity show on January 15th. We will have free copies of the new ep for everyone and it will all be online soon. Keep it perverted kids and don’t let the man in the windowless van butt rape you!

p.s. from Tobias:
Don’t worry about me guys, my dick is still huge. Saying the word dick still makes me laugh.

here is elephant ears studio were we do most of our recording.

Wallace and I hashing shit out.

"tbone, you need to pay more attention to me. Look me in the eye when im talking to you"
"are you talking tobias?"

2004-12-26T18:55:00.000-05:00

this is a little graph that shows the relationship between being an asshole and a man's penis size. I also indicated where wally falls and were I fall in regards to this relationship (with all other variables being held constant).

2004-12-26T18:37:00.000-05:00

I think Wallace might have had a little too much eggnog and not enough love from his parents when he was growing up. Here is a little graph explaining why Wallace is always drunker then he should be:

2004-12-26T18:28:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of information sharing that has recently found its home here at The Good Flame HQ I would like to present my own graphical representation of truth. If for some reason you need help understanding it go ask a 12 year old.

2004-12-25T04:53:00.000-05:00

here it is. I was able to scan, resize, and post. I will not comment until tomorrow. Merry christmas!

2004-12-24T17:05:00.000-05:00

So I finally got my new computer. I am so excited! I have a new wireless router and all these new programs to install and things are great! I will be able to be plugged in everywhere that I go and I think that will benefit everyone because I will be able to give my opinion to everyone in a very timely fashion.
In other news I wanted to continue some discourse on the idea of the pros and cons of social welfare programs. Poster works in the field of social work and probably has some good insight into things. I just got back to Portland and every thing is much worse. My step-dad was just telling me about how a panhandler just got shot in Portland when he got too aggressive asking for change from a crazy man. The city continues to throw more money at the problem. Why the police let this aggressive begging continue is beyond me and why we encourage programs that continue to enable these folks doesn't make any sense. I wanted to specifically discuss this idea of minimum wage. I drew up a graph that you can see here:

what I am showing is how minimum wage, which is a widely accepted idea, actually creates a loss of jobs. There are more people who want to work then firms are willing to hire. At the point where the two lines intersect is the point were everyone who is willing to work is working for everyone that is willing to pay them. This is an equilibrium were everyone is happy. The people who are not working chose to do so. The shaded green area is the loss jobs that resulted from the minimum wage. These people are now not adding to the market place and are not participating in the the giving and taking that enables everyone to live outside of what they are able to produce for themselves. In Portland we used to have one of the highest minimum wages in the country and at the same time had the highest unemployment rate in the country. I kept asking people if they thought the two were related and they usually stared at me blankly, smiled and said "will i don't see how that relates, we are talking about un-employment, not a minimum wage. Everyone knows that you need a minimum wage or those evil men in big business will not pay them anything at all and they will starve."
What poster does is very admirable and was something I myself was thinking about going into. I have many friends in the sociology department that are going to continue in the field and I think that what they do is very difficult and under appreciated. I decided that I was not able to do this and left it to the fine people like poster. But these issues are issues that people forget to think about. When they vote to increase minimum wage they don't realize that they are actually creating a job shortage and people who want to work will not be able to. I hope some people have something to add to this discussion.

2004-12-21T17:09:00.000-05:00

Joke time:

What do you do when there's a drummer at your door?

-Pay him for the pizza!

How can you tell when there's a drummer at your door?

-The knocking keeps speeding up!

What do you call a drummer who broke up with his girlfriend?

-Homeless!

2004-12-21T17:04:00.000-05:00

Alright people it's time to expand your music exposure. Right now go to www.kakiking.com and check this chick out. She was on Letterman last night and it blew my socks off! She is really great. Go NOW!

Also, thanks to T-Bone, there is a clip of Frank Zappa on Crossfire from the 80s. Click here to see it. It's about 20 minutes, and gets a little heated toward the end. The guy next to Frank is a real whack-job!

2004-12-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

This is tbone. I am totally stressed out this week so I may come off a little scatter brained. I have three things to say:

A: I just read on article from the Portland tribune that made me very angry. In Portland there is a huge problem with homeless youth, youth on drugs, and homeless youth on drugs getting pregnant. It is a growing problem and it just seems to be getting worse. The article was about this girl who just had a kid and is living in government subsidized housing and "trying to get back on her feet." She went on and on about how it is not fair that rich people get to experience all the happiness and she deserves to be taken care of. The problem in Portland is that everyone seems to buy into this idea and gladly spend tax dollars to help support these "crack families". (I am sure it wasn't a rich person who originally thought of the handout ideal.) Then the local government sits and scratches it's head and can't figure out why the problem is growing. I will tell you why it is growing. It is growing because you are encouraging this behavior. They know that in Portland the streets are paved with food stamps and the spare change from working folks pockets seems to fall from the sky. You just have to go pick it off the welfare tree. They flock to Portland and Portland responds by trying to INCREASE spending on these projects. It makes me sick when people try to tell me that I have a responsibility to support people who fucked up their own fucking lives.

B: I read a great Dave Berry article the other day. He was talking about the great red and blue rift that is in America these days. I have to admit that it is very true. When I talk to friends of mine I have noticed that more and more people say that they hate this country. They say that they want to move to Canada. We don't need to hate this country. We just need to work on making it better. That is what is good about were we live. It can change. We had slavery and women couldn't vote but we fixed that. We had Nixon as president at one time and we fixed that. Don't say you hate this country; just say that you are going to do your best to push this country in the right direction. And in reference to the people who want to go to Canada: 43% of all Canadians (that is 8 Canadians) are eaten by polar bears every year. That is not a fear that I can live with.

C: I am excited because for Christmas I bought myself a new laptop. I ordered it on line so I haven't received it yet. I also got the wireless router and so I wont have to use the community apartment computer any longer. I also wont have to fix the community apartment computer when it breaks or picks up a virus. I will be able to sit on the couch, watch TV , and look at porn all at the same time!

2004-12-15T01:16:00.000-05:00

So I came up with this sweet 'poor-man's' gumbo/jumbalaya/mess of shit. It's really easy!
So Tobias, turn away because this is a cooking story!
I took one can of Campell's Bean with Bacon (the kind you add water to!) and mixed it with one can of water. Then when it was boiling I added just a little more that a 1/4 cup of rice. I let this simmer for about 20 minutes then I added a whole bunch of cayenne pepper sauce, cajun seasoning, pepper, a little cheddar cheese. I let it cook a little more and then ate that shit! It was good. I reccomend adding some bell peppers, onions, maybe some chicken, sausage or ham. Obviously it's not even close to say.... Cal's 3-day gumbo, but fuck it.

2004-12-15T01:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. I watched all 3 extended versions of the Lord of The Rings Films in one day. That's right, I accomplished nothing today! Why, because school's out for 3 weeks bitches. That means a lot of time and energy spent on The Good Flame for the next couple of weeks. I am excited. We have a killer show coming up in about 1 month, and everyone in the Pacific Northwest should be there. It's for a great cause as well, music education in our schools. So everyone should try to come out and make it.

2004-12-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

2004-12-10T14:54:00.000-05:00

So last night I went to the beermitzfah that I attend on Thursdays and, as usual, had a great time. I went with my east coast musical counterpart and her friend. This was the first time I met her friend I found her to be very entertaining. That is besides the point. My real point here is that I came up with a great bumper sticker idea. It would read "WOMEN SHOULD VOTE RIGHT". There is so many meanings implied that it takes a while for you to wrap your brain around the magnitude of this statement. It could be understood to mean "women should vote, right?" or "women should vote correctly" or "women should vote for the right wing of politics". I own this and I am going to make millions off of it because it spans the whole political spectrum. Feminist will buy it, conservatives will buy it, and even those young "vote or die" folks will buy it. Mark one up for tbone!

2004-12-06T17:10:00.000-05:00

This is what we call in the business an "action shot". This is again a bottle of okocim and you can still download the song for free. Yes free! this is for a limited time so tell you friends about okocim beer and the cute little diddy that those zany guys in The Good Flame sing!

2004-12-03T17:26:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of me drinking a medium size bottle of okocim. You can hear a song about it at http://www.thegoodflame.com/audio1.htm. It is song number 22 entitled "the polish drinking song". I love this beer and it always gets me were I need to be.

2004-12-01T23:50:00.000-05:00

Why are drug stores so impossible? I always find myself with a few extra minutes and I say to myself "I will just pop into rite aid and buy that toothpaste that I need". It never works out that way. The line is always a million miles long and there is some lady named rolandamisha and the end taking her sweet time. It drives me nuts. Then she calls for assistance at the register and the manager, usually named bill, shows up in his cheap tie that he obviously stole from the store and starts ringing people up but it never goes any quicker. A drug store pit stop is guaranteed to take at least 14 times al long as it should. Fuck that!

2004-11-29T19:43:00.000-05:00

So I finally figured out why I hate this guy I know. I knew it was much deeper then the little things that he says and does to try and show how "smart" he is. This conclusion of the root of my hatred is rooted in my own personal understanding of ethics. This ethical question is something that I have been battling with for months and I think I am really starting to understand what ethical living is and what ethics in general really are. To bring this all full circle, This guy's ethical code is the opposite of mine. I believe that man's greatest achievement is production. Using our minds to derive a better understanding of what is around us and then turning that into a concrete representation of that ideal. Production is what humans are meant to do. That is why I think we are more then what most people give themselves credit for. When I hear people say that we are just animals like a dog or a cat I disagree. I strongly disagree. I don't know why we are even still called mammals when we are obviously something more then the rest of them. A bird is differentiated because they have wings and feathers and fish because they live in the water. I think humanities ability to use reason and logic to understand the reality around them (reality actually exists outside of our own conciesness, contrary to most of my sociology professors who encourage most sociology majors to come to the conclusion that reality is just in our minds. Fuck that!) sets them apart in the same way. We use tools and make things better. This is what I consider to be ideal human nature. I will admit that I could produce more and work harder. I also think that if I did this I would personally be happier (which is most important) but a byproduct of this would be the betterment of the whole world around me. I hate this guy. I really do. When I think of him the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention and I feel sick to my stomach. He produces nothing. As far as I can tell he has never produced anything. I don't think he even wants to produce anything. He is worse then a socialist who wants to live for everyone else and believes that self-sacrifice is heroic, he doesn't even care for himself. He goes from job to job and sits at a desk and does data entry and administrative things. That wouldn't be so bad, because people need to make a living. What ethical people would do is counter balance this unproductive daily routine with a hobby or as we say in the music business a "side project". An outlet to live according to non-conflicting ethics. This guy doesn't do this. He can watch television for 12 hours a day. Then can surf the net, just "looking" mind you, not adding anything to it, I am assuming mostly porn, for hours on end. His life is totally take, take, take. People want to give. Hold up! I know what you are thinking. Tbone, what is with this "give" thing? How does that tie into an ethical code of selfish living? The give is a by-product of what was produced for selfish reasons. This guy gets a kick out of correcting me when I mis-pronounce a word. And he loves to poke fun at the amount I drink every night. But I think I am a moral person and he is an anti-moral person. He is the means for the ends of human kind. He is a viscous vermin that I see all over my generation. I know no one likes these ethical slingings but I have to get these things off my chest otherwise I drink even more and get into arguments with strangers who wear those che t-shirts. I hate those che t-shirts. I wont go off or anything but I really hate people who wear those che t-shirts!

also, the new elliott smith album is really good if you are in to that kind of faggy acoustic stuff.

2004-11-28T20:33:00.000-05:00

Well the holiday weekend is over and it was great! Thanksgiving couldn't have been any better. My bro and sis came down and we had some friends over and made a bunch of yummy food and drank a bunch of yummy beverages. I actually have invented my signature holiday dish. I call it tbone's greenpoint stuffing. I live in greenpoint brooklyn and this is a polish neighborhood. There is just a shit load of polish folks here. I am the only non-polish apartment in my building. I wanted to include the local culture in the meal so I made this greenpoint stuffing. It is a kielbasi sausage and zywiec stuffing. I know my cooking stories are boring and tobias hates them but I will keep this brief. You saute onions, carrots, celery, garlic, and the sausage together and when they start to sweat reduce about half a pint of the polish beer in it by about 3/4. Add this to the toasted bread and add a little chicken or turkey stock and a couple of scrambled eggs. finish this off in the oven and you have tbone's greenpoint stuffing.
this thanksgiving was special because I had little bro and sis and great friends and it was also my birthday. Last Thursday was the greatest gift I have ever received for my birthday. The food and the company created a perfect day. I will violate you all later!

2004-11-25T13:02:00.000-05:00

The turkey had been murdered in cold blood. "The evidence," thought Turk the Turkey, "I must get rid of the body or they'll all know what's happened." Turk knew there was no place to bury a body that the dogs would not easily find. An evil thought crossed his mind. Bent on his course of action, he began to eat his victim, he was now a cannibal.

The pilgrims and indians were on a hunt together when they heard some commotion coming from behind a bush. Silently, the indians crept up to see what was the matter. Sitting Boner took an arrow from his quiver and shot it at the fray, "Got him has Sitting Boner, a turkey who eatum another turkey."
"I say," said Jeremiah Crumdiloo, a pilgrim, "If turkey's are so delicious their own kind eats them, it only stands to reason that we should feast on turkey every year to celebrate this occasion."

And that's the story of Thanksgiving.

2004-11-25T02:39:00.000-05:00

You absolutely have to check this virtual bartender out: first try the word 'kiss'
You can also try: air guitar, angry, banana, be a pimp, beer, blow, bottle, bow, box, can, cap, cowboy, dance on bar, fire, grab, gun, gymnastics, hair, handstand, headbang, hoolahoop, hummer, I love you, jedi, jump, karate, kiss, knee, lap dance, laugh, leimek, lick, light, lollipop, macarena, magazine, magic, math, message, muscle, number, orgasm, pat head, phone number, pillow, pitcher, pour beer, pour beer on self, pushup, rap, remove clothes, riverdance, robot, shake, show breast, sleep, spin, splits, switch, sunshine, supermodel, tap dance, tattoo, tickle, toes, tongue, wave, yoga.
Enjoy, and be thankful !

2004-11-25T02:27:00.000-05:00

In the spirit tha Thanksgiving is only about 30 minutes away, I would like to put forth a list of the things that I am thankful for this year:
1) I am still breathing after all the punishment I've taken
2) Harry Potter
3) Pot
4) Beers of all shapes and sizes
5) Jedi
6) Sammiches
7) Calculators
8) Books on musicians
9) Musicians on books
10) Robert Fripp
11) Toto
12) Africa (the song by Toto)
13) Will Ferrell
14) Bill Hicks
15) Those zip-lock bags with the slider-dealy
16) This list (I forget easy)
17) Um, there is no number 17
18) The fact that it is wrong to be French
19) Bubble-gum
20) Dar's Barber-shop
21) Barbershop quartet records played at the wrong speed
22) I don't have fabutickilitis
23) My cooking stories aren't boring
24) I crap the bed more than my dog craps the bed
25) Sugar cookies
26) The words reputidate, circumflexor, thimble
27) Milk of the chocolate persuasion
28) stereotypes
29) Jokes involving small cars and large dogs
30) Number 6 on this list.

2004-11-23T14:57:00.000-05:00

As the anticipation bubbled in her loins, Tobias ever so gracefully removed her pants. To show her his sensitivity he folded her pants and placed them on a chair so that they would not wrinkle. "Damn," she said, "You's a sensitive mothafucka, get up in me." Tobias grabbed a bottle of startch, to display that he was going to iron later. Putting the startch down, Tobias crouched into what is known as The Pouncing Stance, and lept to his prey. "I'm acheiving an erection," he whispered in her ear. She moaned with bliss, "Now I am maintaining the afore mentioned erection."
"Maintain that shit, baby. Oooh yeah." As the fray continued they had a delightful conversation about favorite international vacation spots, and a heated debate about energy conservation. SPANK, went the sound off her ass, "I said solar power, bitch." After they agreed to disagree, the ecstacy she felt was provided by the counterclockwise motion of Tobias' man hips. "By the by," said he, "The Good Flame's coming out with a new EP."
"Ooooo," was all she could muster.
"With all new songs."
"Ooooo."
"And drums."
"Mmmmm."
"In mid-January, we'll be playing a live show at Jax in downtown Portland."
"Aaaaah, aah, aah," she panted, her breathing growing heavier with every thrust.
"For charity."
"Explosion, explosion," Tobias didn't know why she was saying the word "explosion" but didn't care because he could see her boobies.
"And guess what, we're fucking. Right now."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH, OOOOOOOO BABY YEAH," she climaxed, "I love it when you talk about the Good Flame when you fuck me you dirty boy."
"Well you got this dirty boy's dirty cum all up in you, so that makes both of us pretty dirty wouldn't you say." The look of unrestrained desire on her face was a familiar one to Tobias. He knew what he must do. "You know, baby, we'll probably play The Lesbian Song."
"Fuck me again, you fucking fuck master."
"And The Nicest Vadge," he whispered.
"You giv away orgasms as if it were candy in your pocket," she stated. And you know something? She's right. She's right all the way to hell.

2004-11-22T21:55:00.000-05:00

I have been busy but I have a few moments and I have a good lump of goo to get off my chest.

First, I finished my death pool list. It was hard to come up with 20 people and many were just people I hoped would die, but I am happy with it. Here it is, drum roll please!

the pope
jimmy carter
the lead singer of hoobastank
Dick Cheaney
one of the Olsen twins
Ozzy Osbourne
Keith Richards
Mike Tyson
the fat one in Wilson Phillips
Bob Dylan
Wilfred Brimley
Courtney Love
Keith Richards
Britney Spears
Fred durst
Liz Taylor
Micheal Jackson
Pete Townsend
Snoop Dogg
Andy Rooney

What do you think? Was I supposed to reveal my picks? who cares, caniadianturd will figure it out.

I would also like to mention how excited I am for thanksgiving! I am hosting it this year and this is my first time. I am a turkey day virgin. I celebrated thanksgiving last year with friends and I realized that this is the perfect holiday to spend with your close friends. Cooking food and drinking booze is not for families, it is for my alcoholic friends and I. Actually there is going to be some family, but it is my favorite part of my family. Little sis and little bro are coming into town. Andy from Maine and his expensive fancy pants school and Molly from PA/D.C. (she is in PA the middle of the week and D.C. working for the man on the bookends of the week). Also in attendance is going to me my former roommate, and good friend, bow-flex and his live in girlfriend situation who is very nice. And to top off the guest list we are going to have my current roommate. I see him everyday but I am glad he will be there for another one...Day that is...what ever. I have a great menu! I will spare tobias, who hates my cooking stories, and not post the details, but there is a nice mix of asian fusion, classic thanksgiving, and organic garden yummies! I am just so excited! so I hope everyone has a happy turkey day and poster, Keep it real baby, oh yeah, keep it real!

2004-11-15T13:07:00.000-05:00

Show Update!!
We here at The Good Flame HQ are always looking for a way to give back to the community. Normally this entails 'giving' sex to "community" females. But this January we will be able to give back even more with your help. The Good Flame is pleased to announce our Every-so-often Charity Event 2005! That's right, this January we will be performing at a charity concert in effort to raise money for the Save the Music Foundation. All door charges/donations will go to saving music in our schools. This show will be in Portland OR, at JAX bar and grill. We will post more details as we get them. You can see more about JAX here. If you cannot attend but still wish to donate the web page for save the music is here.

2004-11-14T20:16:00.000-05:00

So I am back from my little jaunt down to the nation's capital. It was a good time! I took the china town bus, which was an adventure in itself. There is actually something like six different bus lines that run down to Philly, d.c., and Boston. It is really cheap but a little sketch. You walk up and there is just a bunch of little Chinese ladies yelling "Philadelphia, Philadelphia" or "D.C., D.C." You go up buy a ticket and get on a bus that is carrying who knows what. It was a long trip down but I sat next to this girl who was fun to talk to. I made sure I didn't strike up conversation too early because I knew it was going to be a long trip. Basically the fist half I spent engulfed in "the fountainhead" and the second half I chatted with her. Good times! I was actually staying in Arlington and it was off of the Metro stop called "pentagon city". I was driving my sister nuts because every time I saw a sign that said "pentagon City" I would start singing "take me down to the pentagon city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty" She was happy to get rid of me today. I saw the sites, drank the local beer, and didn't get arrested. That translates to a good trip. So now it is back to the rat race!

2004-11-11T16:32:00.000-05:00

Just to let everyone know, I am headed down to the nation's capital this weekend (Washington D.C.) to have a bunch of fun with mum and sis (and hopefully some of sis's friends). I will not be posting. Not that anyone listens to me anyhow.
tbone outskie!

2004-11-09T23:58:00.000-05:00

The fact of the matter is that if someone inherits a bunch of money, but is a looter at heart, they will squander that money away. Around the corner from me is a building that has, I am guessing, eight apartments in it. A few years ago this guy inherited it from his father. He moved into an apartment and his buddy moved into an apartment. His buddy is the super and lives there rent free and doesn't do much else. This guy who owns the place is just nuts. He has this dog that he decided can only be spoken to by yelling. He is not mean to the dog he just gives the dog commands very loudly. The dog obeys and all is well but it get a little annoying when I am sitting in my room reading and hear this yelling all day long. About once a week the owner and the super get into a fight in the street. They are friends the rest of the time but some nights they just get into it. At first it was cute but now it is just annoying. At this point I am under the impression that there is one paying renter left in the building. What is the problem with this guy? He is a coke head. He is a classic coke head and doesn't disguise it very well at all. Rent in new York city is very expensive and my neighborhood is getting a bunch of spill over from williamsburg and rents are going up. People are moving in like crazy. There is even really hot chicks that are not polish living within blocks of me! The amount of money this guy could be earning is extrodinary. This building is very similar to mine and I am sure that my landlord, who is a great guy I might add, makes somewhere in the $300,000 range gross yearly. This is with very little work. This would be the same for the guy around the corner if not more. It is a nice building and up-keep compared to gross income is great. The apartment building has become a void and a drain on the local square block economy. Everyone would be better off if the apartments were rented by people. More people buying stuff in the stores, more hot chicks, and more people trying to make there mark in the world here in NYC. Instead it is all going up one dudes nose and his dog runs around without a leash and the apartment goes to waste. I should mention that the girl who changed in front of her window moved out moved out months ago. I remember many summer nights, hanging out on my fire escape, watching her get ready for her Friday night. This guy has ruined everything for everyone. I think I should talk him into signing the building over to me. I would bring back the chicks and I would bring back the contribution to society. Tbone for president in 2008!

2004-11-09T15:38:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in the Chemical Engineering Building (hereafter referred to as Gleeson) watching what I assume are 2 freshman working on omputers. The dude has a massive handfull of jerky that he is slowly eating like it was a big ball of cotton candy. It's freakin me out.

I saw the new Disney/Pixar film The Incredibles over the weekend. It was fantastic! Pixar consistently does great work and I love their films. Pixar was originally created by George Lucas and later sold to Disney. It just proves that Lucas has his hands in everything. Prior to the movie was a whole slew of previews, most of which I am excited for. The biggest was Star Wars: Episode III. This movie looks like it is going to be fantastic. The movie seems tobe much darker than the other 2 newer films. I had chills the whole time. It starts with old footage of Obi Wan Kenobi (Alec Guiness) talking about the downfall of the Jedi. Then they show the new Vader, and then the montage of new footage. Now what happens in this film will be great. It is a very dark plot and I think it will be absolutely fantastic. I love the original 3 films and have a spot in my heart for the newest 2 films.

By the way, T-Bone has the greatest idea for a sammich shop, that's right sammiches.

2004-11-09T14:38:00.000-05:00

It happened again. I saw her. This is the fourth time. It scares the living shit out of me. She is evil.
There is this lady that I see in the subway sometimes begging for money. No big deal, right? WRONG! She is the scariest little old lady in the world. She gives me nightmares! She is about four feet tall and looks like an old woman standing in line for bread in Russia. There is no life in her eyes. Now here is the kicker, she has a voice of a dead, evil, six year old. It is high pitched and kind of nasally. She repeats the same thing over and over again like it is a record skipping. "Please help, I'm hungry" "please help, I'm hungry” over and over again. You here it as you walk up and then as you pass buy. It sends shivers down my spine! I think she is from another planet. I think that planet’s name is “land of the freaky old ladies”.
I don’t spook too easily. There really are only two things that really get me worked up. The old lady that I just spoke about and nutria. Nutria are nasty. They give me serious Willies and my neck hairs are standing at attention with me just thinking about it right now. I don’t know what is worse, the old lady or nutria. I hate them both!

2004-11-07T22:36:00.000-05:00

So I saw a great band on Friday. These guys really had some sort of alluring quality about them that I cannot put my finger on. They are a trio out of Boston and are sort of emo-jazz or something. Mary Timony opened up for them and this is the second time that I have seen her. The first time she sucked in my opinion. Friday she had a great drummer. This guy really made her set and let her songs come to life. I am not a big indie-rock guy but she really played well. I suggest checking out both of these outfits. Karate's guitar player is awesome and you can tell that they have been playing together for a while. Very good stuff!

2004-11-05T14:53:00.000-05:00

I have a fun game that I want to play. I don't know if this has ever been done before. We are going to have an internet scavenger hunt! I am going to give you a list of things and after you have them all you post the links in the comments section of this very post. I will confirm that they are real and declare a winner. You could also email me at assholewithastory@thegoodflame.com if you want to play it safe. If you can not find all the items on the list but do find some, post what you have. The person who has the most stuff is the winner and you get bonus points if you find everything. I am going to make this one simple because I don't know how this is really going to go. So here is the list:

1. A picture of a baby with nine heads.
2. A web site that is written entirely in an African language besides Arabic or English.
3. A picture of president bush with his thumb up his ass (any finger will actually do).
4. A website for a town with a population under 5000, that mentions the word "turtle".
5. A picture of Tony Blair drinking a can of "moxie".
6. A clip of john Ashcroft singing.
7. Video of colin Powell dancing.
8. web site that is offering a free sample of something no one would ever want.
9. Swans playing poker!
10. An audio clip of the song "ph on the level".

Now get to it kids! Let's see if this will work. I will not be able to participate because I am the judge. There is no time limit but sometime this century would be nice!

2004-11-03T21:06:00.000-05:00

I am going to talk about the behavior of some folks when they are confronted with a buffet. I think that buffets create some sort of vortex were rational thought just goes flying out the window. All cognitive ability ceases and primal urges to gorge oneself takes over and is unstoppable until dessert finally arrives. I am going to attempt to translate a person’s code of ethics through the interpretation of them being confronted with displayed food. I am going to concentrate on free buffets that are offered at special events like weddings, conventions, or holiday parties that are put on by companies for their employees. I worked in the restaurant business for many years and I threw many of these banquets and this is were I probably developed my distaste for people in general. I guess that I am exaggerating a little bit about my distaste of people but trying to satisfy people really got to me after a while.
For this discussion, we will say that it is a banquet that is being put on by a company owner for his employees (I will refer to the company owner as a “he” for simplicities sake and in no way infer that women don’t own companies. In Nevada there is some great brothels run by women!). The employer does this every year and it is not a reward for some certain goal that the company had set for itself (i.e. reaching a certain quota consistently or decreasing production costs). Rather it's the yearly party that the boss throws for his employees to demonstrate that, if necessary, the boss can stand to spend a few hours with the workers. Tonight we have a three entrée buffet plus three salads, rolls, and carved prim rib. We also have a cheese display, vegetable display, and a fruit display. At the beginning of the party, the three displays are put out. It will not be for another hour that the main buffet will be open. What do these people who, A. didn’t wear a tie, or own one for that matter, B. would seem to take twice as long to eat the food about to be served because of their lack of teeth, and C. Didn’t seem to really trust the coat check lady with there Budweiser jean jacket, do as soon as they get into the room? They line up at the hors'dourves table. They line up around the room like it is a conga line and stand there waiting to load up a little plate with cheeses they have never heard of and they seem to think that the herb dip for the vegetables is a main dish (“more ranch…we need more ranch buddy” still echoes in my head). They stand in line thinking that someone else is going to eat all the cheese. They sweat and they get worried. They talk about how much they hate their jobs with the employees that are standing around them and if the company can afford a party like this, they should give them all raises.
They see the table set up for the buffet. As the wait staff starts to bring out the food that I spent all day making and then decorating with garnish and TLC (I know I am sappy but I take great pride in my work) You see them look at the food not as the art that it is but a free lunch (they don’t even realize that it is dinner time). As I come out and make a final check on the displays, they start lining up. “Is the buffet open, is the buffet open?” is echoing through the facility. Finally, I set up one of my cooks at the end of the buffet not only to carve the perfect meat, but also to inform me of when things are running low. He has fear in his face. We think to ourselves that these people’s epistemology is not like ours in any way. The cook and I speak a different language aloud but we work together, sweat together, and get raises together. We are a working unit with no charity involved. These people are different. We haven’t even opened yet and they are lined up around the table. I notice a couple of them debating silently to with themselves whether anyone would notice if they ate a butter chip.
When they are released, they load their plates up as high as they can. They ask the servers what things are but slop it onto there plate before they get an answer. Then to the carving station were the young cook delivers two perfectly sliced pieces of medium rare prime rib. When they should be thanking there lucky stars that they get to see the perfectly cooked meat they have nothing to say but “more amigo!” So go off with your pound and a half of prime rib. You don’t want it all, you just want to prove that you can take it. I don’t care; you are not human to me! Some people don’t even eat the plate they loaded up right away. They set it on the table that they marked with there jackets, leaned chairs and some shooing away of possible trespassers (kind of like dogs pissing in the corner) and run back to get another plate. “Get more biscuits and cheese R.J., biscuits and cheese. We need more of that cheese! Get more meat to R.J.!”
Who are these people? Do they always act like such beasts? I saw the looks on these people’s faces as soon as they entered the room. It was a look not of awe at how nice it was, of the food they smelled cooking in the back, or the cute waitresses (well, I am sure they noticed that) but they scanned this free ride for every possible way to exploit it. It is no longer a party to enjoy, but a representation of everything that they are not, and they needed to loot it for everything that it was worth. They were nothing but looters to me and I hated them.
This is my point: The way they treated the buffet is an example of the way they have chosen to live their lives. Instead of creating and expanding, they have chosen to loot and destroy. This is the fundamental problem that people of this thinking face. While they choose to loot and destroy, sucking everything dry because someone else is paying the bill, other people are creating, expanding, and networking to feed these looting beasts. Eventually the looters would have nothing left, but the producers have expanded themselves and society exponentially. This is the only means for the looters survival.
I can contrast this with a short depiction of the same buffet. Let’s say this isn’t a holiday party put on by the boss but rather that same boss hosting a party for the local business owners in the city. We have the same amount of people and exactly the same menu. What do you think the contrasts will be? I can tell you because I have worked hundreds of theses parties as well.
At the bar the first question coming from the guest is not, “what is free?” it is rather “Can I buy you a drink?” (to the fellow guest, not the bartender although we had some cute bartenders in places that I have worked). The first extension of the hand is not to a stack of tiny plates to load up on cheese and fruit, but to a fellow business owner who happens to have a piece of property adjacent to your own that is hindering your ability for expansion. The buffet is opened at the same time and people eat, but they wait until they have finished the conversation with whomever they where talking to. They do not eat nearly as much as the first banquet because the trophy wives do not eat. They have a purpose in their lives that goes beyond consumption. The people in the first stage think only of how much they can consume what is around them, instead of thinking about increasing what is around them. I am able to keep the buffet stocked and ready with no problem because I am not getting agitated by people yelling at me about my lack of horseradish (before I mention that I have some on the buffet, and no, they cannot take the whole bowl of it to their table).
You can see that in the second party everyone wins. The guests are not only happy, but are better off because of the networking and connections that they had made. The restaurant is better off because they have a return costumer and extra gratuity for a great job done by the staff. The person who threw the party is now known throughout the business community. Everyone wins in this situation. There is not one loser. Contrast this to the first party. In the first party, no one wins or grows. Everyone is either worse off or, at best, at the same place they were before the party. The guests get constipated because they stuffed themselves with to much “fancy” cheese. I am pissed off because I hate them, so I drink too much. The host was throwing the party out of necessity in the first place so there was no reason for him to even care how it went in the first place. Moreover, the world is going to have to deal with all of these people in the first banquet in the morning!
In conclusion, it all comes back to the way these people acted and what their code of ethics is. Are they looters who expect things to be handed to them or are they producers who hope they can produce enough for the looters plus some for their own gain? I hope that at this point you know the answer. This shows that you can see it, not only in the way they walk, but also in the way they behave when faced with displayed food. It blows my mind.

2004-11-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

I need to distract myself for 4 more years. Let's play a game.

My feet smell so bad....

2004-11-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

A walk to remember

I have decided that there is certain aspects of a person that depict a lot about the way they view life and the amount of ambition they have inside of them. I do not trust people without goals and without ambition. I do not trust people who expect life to be handed to them. I do not trust people who find no problem with finding loopholes in government to exploit the American people for their own personal gain. I see people like this everyday. I have seen healthy people live off un-employment for over seven months. Why? Because this mixed economy and more and more collectivist attitude of its citizens encourage this behavior. I will not buy into it. I will hold on to my beliefs and not trust the people who think they deserve something from me, even though I don’t even know them, let alone will I receive anything in return.
How do I spot these people that I think are not to be trusted? One way is to look at the way they walk. I walk a bunch every single day and I see many people walking around me. I do not trust, and try my best to avoid, people who walk with no sense of urgency, direction, and/or reason. Why would they be walking if they had nowhere to go? I see people move in large groups at a mind numbingly slow speed. They also weave about like they are actually trying to add distance to their short travel. They really don’t, in their minds, have anywhere to go. All they are doing is going from point a to point b because someone told them that that is were the food pellet is. But they are not hungry. They are just doing it for shits and giggles. They expect that there will be food pellets along the way, and if not they will let everyone around them know that they are now hungry and demand everyone around them to feed them. I refuse to do this. They say I am selfish and think of no one but my self. This is true and I expect the same treatment from everyone else around me. They say it is a government’s responsibility to feed its citizens. That is wrong! Plain and simple! It is the responsibility of the government to make sure that it’s citizens are allowed to eat what ever and when ever they want to. It is the government’s responsibility to make sure no one steals the food that you have grown or have bought from someone else. It is not the government’s responsibility to shove food into your mouth that is not rightfully yours. Just look around at the way people walk and you will see what I am talking about. When you see a person get out of a BMW see how they walk compared to the person who crawled out from underneath a cardboard box.
I not only hear people walk but I listen to them talk. They talk about the raise they should get because they have been at a job for X amount of time. It is never that they have increased production or invented a new system that has made things better for the company.
I also see a certain walk in some of the employees at my school and in the office buildings around the city. It is a walk that involves a lot of upper body movement and looking around as if making a mental checklist of things that need to be done, but the length of their stride is half the size of a normal person’s. I find my self zipping by them as if they are standing still. But they are getting paid with my money. He is getting paid with the money that I am paying to come and attend this institution. Shouldn’t they be working at least half as hard as I am? A quarter as hard maybe? Unfortunately I am not in charge of hiring university employees otherwise people would be getting fired left and right. Although most of them are union and that would be almost impossible for me to do. We will just slowly get things done around here and let people live their miserable lives.

In my next post I am going to talk about another tell tale sign of someone’s un-productive fatalistic belief system: How they behave at a buffet. I am sure Joe will know something about this because he works in the restaurant business. But that will be next time…

2004-10-29T02:04:00.000-04:00

I'm excited.
This weekend is Halloween, and Amadan is playing at AJs. Amadan is similar to Flogging Molly. They always open for The Clumsy Lovers when they come to town. The Clumsy lovers are a great bluegrass group. Their sites are www.amadanusa.com and www.clumsylovers.com.

2004-10-27T17:57:00.000-04:00

The biggest news yet.
Tony Levin has been in Vermont recording an album with Trey Anastasio and Jerry Marotta.
This is going to be fantastic.

I just got excited all over the place.

2004-10-26T18:22:00.000-04:00

Well thanks to the helpful advice from my cohorts I see where I must start. This last weekend was great! I got really drunk at several locations at several times. It was a big weekend for football. Thankfully the Beavers beat Washington St. I hope it will not be the last win for us this season but I am prepared to accept it as so. Elsewhere in the sporting world the other things happened.

Recently one of my favorite bands, Phish, retired. They have released a fantastic 2 DVD set on their IT festival in Maine. The first disc is the PBS special (90 min) and the second disc has a whole bunch of bonus live footage. The documentary was fantastic. I will miss going to see Phish, but after 21 years and over 1450 live shows I can understand why they would want to stop. However, The Good Flame will not stop so long as everyone keeps believing in sex and beer fairys, angels, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope (Okay everyone all at once: THE POPE-AAAAAA).

Also in response to many inquiries, and apparently a worldwide shortage of reference material:

The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics states that the entropy of the universe is always increasing!
HA, take that you silly artists!

2004-10-26T01:49:00.000-04:00

Well so much has happened I don't even know where to begin.

2004-10-25T20:52:00.000-04:00

I give Golden Axe for Sega Genesis 4 vaginas. Out of three characters, you can choose one and go fight skeletons, some other monster looking things, you can ride a couple of dragons, etc. It's real fun, and if you get the chance, play it or I will fucking kill you.

2004-10-24T23:02:00.000-04:00

I just saw the most beautiful polish woman I have ever seen in my life. I had just bought an okicim (a polish beer that is sung about at thegoodflame.com. Just go to song #22 called "the polish drinking song") downstairs and was making the 12 step journey to my building. I heard the voice of an angel speaking in the language that dominates my neighborhood and I turned to see a woman that was obviously from that planet "fox"! I pretended to fumble with my keys so I could observe the incredible being walk by and continue down the block. My neighborhood has some of the hottest women in the world and I am used to them walking by but this chick was not blond. She was tall and had dark hair. I gave a go with the greatest pick-up line that I could think of and yelled "OH MY FUCKING GOD!". She kept walking and I figured it was not meant to be. Eastern European girls make my pants tight. The Polish have nothing but foxes! Then they turn 40 and shrink a foot and grow stuff on their faces. I don't understand genetics but I understand wanting to bang the hottest chick that I have ever seen.

2004-10-22T18:39:00.000-04:00

I just voted! I know you are probably thinking to yourself that it isn't even November yet so how was tbone able to beat the system and vote before the rest of us? Well it is actually pretty simple. I am still registered in Oregon. I figure that most of my long run social and economic interests are vested there and I remained registered there for this election. In Oregon we have mail-in voting and so I just changed my address to my parents house and they just forward my ballot to me. It was a big mail day for me today to say the least! I am pre-approved for two, yes two, credit cards and I got the promo pack from Michael Badnarik (libertarian candidate for pres.) and read through it and I must say libertarian literature is always exciting for me! This guy has gotten arrested a few times during the election and screams about his goal of reform and not power, I just love it! I know that I am further right then many people who read here but hey, as bobby brown said, that's my poragative. This was a classic Oregon election year. We had a save the trees measure, a save the gays measure, a medical marijuana measure, and the usually national presidential stuff. Sometimes the ballot looks exactly like the one before, at least in Oregon because of our liberal policies of letting the general population put measures on the ballot. I voted for Kerry. I did this after much thought. I have a habit of voting for third party candidates but this year I decided that bush, who is digging us into a political, economic, and value ridden hole should be removed. I always feel warm inside when I vote and I get excited about the election. So Everyone should go out and vote this election! My suggestion is voting for Kerry, not amending the constitution to keep gays from getting married, and letting sick people smoke whatever they want to! Vote selfishly! Vote for what your truly believe! An Write in The Good Flame for those funny little judgeships in your county that have just one guy running, I know I did!

2004-10-21T15:14:00.000-04:00

I just participated in a discussion/forum with Dr. Joe B. Fenn. This guy probably doesn't ring any bells, but he was 2002 Nobel Prize winner in Chemistry. Dr. Fenn is nuts. He had a lot of really interesting points about thermodynamics, but he also had a lot to say about learning, college, and politics. He mentioned a book by C.P. Snow called The Two Cultures. C.P. Snow says that anyone who believes they have a liberal education should understand the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. Now, I know that most people have no idea what the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics is but that is okay. Dr. fenn attended classes at Yale where they had a lot of liberal arts majors. He was asked by students to teach them a class about making engines efficient. He was teaching thermo to students who study literature, art political science, that type of thing. Well, imagine the difficulty that these students had. Dr. Fenn wrote up a manuscript and later had it published called Engines, Energy and Entropy.

I've never been in the same room, nor talked to anyone who has won a Nobel Prize. This guy just radiates intelligence. I actually feel smarter from just listening to him. Even this really, really smart guy doesn't like President Bush, and he claims that the policies put into place by Bush have started a regression into finding more environmentally safe, and alternative fuel sources. Dr. Fenn expressed his distaste and disgust for the world that will be handed over to the kids, namely us. This alarmed me greatly.

I would like to see an end to the corportate influence in research. We do need to start looking ahead to the future. That's why I encourage everyone to really look at what's behind this up and coming election. Please vote based off of actual thoughts for the future and not just a dislike for someone who currently holds office. Carefully look over ballot measures that influence the tech. and science fields.

I realize that this is very different that my normal posts. I am sorry. So I will leave you with a joke I heard on a farm in Donald:

What do you call four drowning mexicans?

Quatro Cinco!